Small talk your way at the office

My 3rd article in the series of “Own your Joy” at the office is dedicated to the ancient practice of small talks. But, I’d like to offer a critical twist in the story of small talks that will reshape the way we do it, and hopefully it will be much more than just an “ice breaker” before meetings.

When doing it right I can promise two very important gains that will change your world at work:
– First, you will surely have more joy at work
– Second, you will improve your career’s opportunities and improve your knowledge

The “regular” small talk

The “regular” use of small talk is to serve as an ice breaker before a meeting starts, usually with people we do not used to work with. Therefore normally we talk about the weather, room’s air-conditioner (if it is hot or cold in the room) and about the traffic jams on the way to the meeting. In the “worst” case of having too much time, we deep dive into our phone or laptop till the meeting starts.

This is a very common scenario we all do, all the time, and not just before meetings. We do it in the elevator, when waiting to buy a coffee, when making something to drink in the office kitchen, on informal gathering and on many other scenarios.
We call it “small talk”, but the cumulative time we actually do it is not small at all. Let’s say you have each day 4 meetings, 2 coffee breaks, 2 elevator rides and 2 informal gathering at the office. Meaning 10 times a day, 50 times a week, and if each time last about 3 minutes in average, this equals to 2.5 hours a week with people we normally don’t communicate on a regular basis (6% of our time at work). If you add lunch breaks, and other breaks we do, it accumulates to a significant amount of time at work.
A good question is, do we use this significant time wisely?

In my opinion we’re all wasting this time, just because we don’t want this inconvenience of having more deeper communication with others. That is a big miss.

We must be able to use time with unfamiliar people much more effectively.

Effective small talk

For me, having effective small talks is to use these many short interactions with others, in particular with people I normally don’t work with. I do it in order to achieve two critical things that impact both our joy at work and the chances to improve our professional work – having more knowledge and a better personal network. Both things are possible only by having conversations with others, so why not using the many many small talks to accomplish that?

How do we do it?

I believe that in every small talk we have to learn 3 new very small things:

1) The name of the person we’ve just met.
2) A piece of new professional information that is related to our company/industry (not necessarily directly related to our personal work).
3) New very small personal thing on the other person, and only if the situation is right. It can be about an hobby, about a personal anecdote, about the family, or even a personal success/failure story.

The technique to make a small talk fun, interesting and effective:

1. Surprise the other – When we surprise another person, we get the attention very fast and make the conversation much more open and fun.
   Surprising the other is based on sharing a piece of interesting information he/she did not expect to get from us. It can be something that is related to work like a comment on a relevant project, it can be a surprising compliment we may give, it can be something from our private life, or if time allows, we can share a short story showcasing any personal experience. If we do with with a bit exaggerated enthusiasm, it will make it even more surprising. Surprising others makes everyone smile, and much more easy going conversation.
   
   For example, if I have 2-3 minutes for a small talk before a meeting start, I share unrelated funny/weird/interesting experience or event I had earlier that day. It can be also something from the news or a funny fact.
   This light, irrelevant, exaggerated, surprising topic creates great and light small talks, and more importantly, it paves the way for the next tip of being curious.
   
2. Be curious – We have to be curious and care about the success of the person we are talking with. It will lead us to ask real and honest questions, share information and give our best advice. By really trying to learn about the other’s person work, his/her challenges and if they really enjoy what they do, we exchange very valuable information about work and life – this will improve our knowledge of other teams at work and will strengthen our personal connection.
   
   Example that I find useful, when small talking with an unfamiliar person I first ask quickly about his/her team and domain expertise, after a short answer, I ask: “I have to understand about the how or why you are doing this…”, just a curious question about basic things I’d like to understand better in the other’s work. Everyone are always willing to share and educate about their work while showcasing its importance.
   This way we can gather pieces of valuable information about what happens in the company, about option to collaborate with others and mutual work impact. This is both a very educational method and a way to improve our network.

Small talk whenever you can – there is no other way

People may find my advice here very scary (talking to strangers is far from being easy), some may say it is not worth the time to make such conversations with many people that we may not see or contact again (negative ROI), and some will just fear to be venerable by sharing personal things. No doubt that all these concerns are human, but making strong connections requires us to be more vulnerable and it can only be done by sharing surprising personal experiences.
Another common resistance is related to the fact that many do not consider small talk as part of their work. Many just prefer to focus only on their own tasks, which leads people to invest every seconds in writing emails whenever possible, or sit long hours in their desk.

I truly understand and respect anyone who decided to avoid small talks, but if we want to work in a place when we know many people, and many people know us and like talking with us, we have to make this journey and create more meaningful small talks. Working in a place where people know who we are is a place where we feel more comfortable, more personal connection and our joy will be higher no matter what we do.
Moreover, by doing meaningful small talks we will get to know better our organization and industry which eventually leads to better decisions and cooperation with other teams – one of the major “Achilles heals” of every organization.

Just Small talk, Small Talk, Small talk, make it surprising, with a lot of curiosity and care.

Best of luck.

Ori F.