Own our joy!

Being unsatisfied is the story of my life!

As a child I was raised to always want more. If I did good, I could do better, when I did better, I could do even more. Always tried to be the best.

So I’ve lived my life in the shadow of success, high grades at school, excelled in sports, as a teenager I was always the favorite student of my teachers. On my military service in an elite unit of the Israeli air force, I was trained to be the best I can. Debrief any action, any mission, any decision, any mistake and every success that were either done by myself or by anyone of my teammates. This was our routine, day by day, night by night, year by year. All the time weighing the risks, and the course of action to make the most of anything.

This is a dream come true for many mothers, but it has been the curse of my life!

I have never been satisfied even after great achievements, and never have felt pure content. Mostly looking on the “half empty glass”, trying to fill it and fix what is broken. 

On one hand, my abilities to push things further, never give up and get things done, have always been praised by my managers and colleagues. But on the other hand I was never been at peace with myself and never have I stopped just to enjoy the moment. Moreover, many of my managers could not really bear the conflict between my abilities and me as a wise-ass person which was another source of unhappiness.

My happiness and content was limited to the past, just like remembering the joy of reaching a mountain summit by foot, but forgetting the long painful journey to that point.

Lately I have been wondering about my life, and on what makes me feel joy. 

Well, the surprising conclusion is that my dissatisfaction was never related to my personal life. I have a wonderful wife and two amazing daughters. My misery was only limited to my professional life. At first I couldn’t understand why. What’s the difference? Moreover, anyone like me who has children, knows that it comes with a great cost. I had to give up many of my dreams, my spare time and any spontaneous desire. Every evening I arrive home to a big mess, to all the daily tasks of running a house of two parents that work in high-tech companies. Any parent knows that it is much easier to work extra hours than come back to a messy house. I had all the reasons to be miserable at home and feel happy at work. In reality it was totally backwards. I love my personal life and joy at work has always been scarce.

Choices…

After some thinking and many podcasts on my way to work, I realized that the answer is quite simple. At home, in my personal life, I didn’t have many choices. When my daughter was sick, I had to stay at home, when there was no food, I had to buy food, and when my wife came back home tired and exhausted from work, I had to step up and put the kids to bed, arrange the house and prepare everything for the next day. Nevertheless and despite all these challenges, there is nothing like getting a pure unconditional love from your family. That’s worth everything. That’s why I love my life.

However, in my professional life at work, I had so many choices. With all my achievements, there was always a better outcome, a better job, a better manager, and a better project. Having so many choices, together with my personality and personal experiences, it made me miserable in the present. I always wanted more and wanted to fix anything that is around me. After a while it came to me that during my seven years in the military I never felt that miserable. In the military I didn’t have any choices at all. Everything was very strict and I was told what to do, and I felt much better. 

My life has changed

These days I feel like a different person, my life has changed. 

Having choices today is not something that will fail me anymore. I understand that my joy is not a result of external things like my job, my company, my manager, my salary, the size of my office nor the car I drive or the amount of money I have in my pocket. 

It is all about keeping the right perspective on what really matters, my family, my friends, my health and the love I get from anyone around me. Keeping this perspective is hard and a daily struggle, but believe me, it’s all worth it! 

All we need is to Own our Joy! And understand that we all have a responsibility on our joy and we have to stop making excuses and blame others when we are miserable. That’s true that life may give us lemons, but we can give a fight back by keeping the right mindset and by owning our joy as much as we can.

In my next posts I will share some more insights and some easy personal tricks I found helpful in keeping my joy level up at work.

See you soon! 

Ori F.